Keith Demele's Blog

So…Finals this week, I won’t lie, I am am nervous….Been studying all weekend and statistics is scaring me…Least squared regression lines, when to use binomcdf, probobility and equations for everything under the sun, arg just to much to think about….I cant sleep worth a damn…I HAVE TO PASS!

Anyways, so I finnished some papers earlier for class tomorrow and decided to go to a local continence store for something to drink and some almond joys before I resume the assraping that is studing for …Anyway, two cops decide to come hastle me while I was standing there enjoying my almondy delicious treats, watching the lightning, granted it is 2:30AM and raining out. They asked what I was doing, I tried to strike up some friendly convo, they asked to see my id and told me it was a little late, I explained I was studying for finals and just needed a sugar boost, one of them stops me in mid sentence and was like, yeah your gonna have to leave…Ok…So that was my story for the evening, now its 3:30 and I am procrastinating, need to be up by 9….

Anyway, a little update on the office, we still have like no work at all…It’s boring, we are just waiting to be axed, the Christmas party and all that was this weekend, so we are thinking we may last till after Christmas, but who knows..Just in case I have been reacquainting myself with Vray so I can jump right into it at another studio if need be…Everyday up there seems like a scene out of that movie office space, I have been working less and less hours because there is nothing to do and I can be more productive here with access to tutorials and stuff…I may see if some of the guys want to go fishing next week…haha

Oh and the title, yeah we covered the finals, the 7-11 incident, the office ,and now I am listening to A thrash metal band named Kreator, soo, cheers, see you next time, off to cram for statistics…

A few weeks ago I posted in a panic about missing a homework assignment, I got an email and IM from people telling me that it’s JUST a homework assignment…that I should not fret over it…You know, it’s so true, there are much larger issues I should be worried about. However, I think this goes to say a lot about my mindset, If that’s what you want to call it.

Since then, I have spent some time evaluating my life, at 20, and comparing it to my peers. It’s strange to think that I have never compared myself as a whole against others, its an interesting concept, and a blow to my ego, haha. I am not going to compare myself to others here, but what I saw, kinda scares me on several levels, not only about myself, but as far as society goes, how are we surviving as a society today with the work ethic of our citizens?

I am sitting here with so many thoughts and angles where I could go with this blog…It’s more like a journal entry, should I even be posting this stuff? I should? Hmm, well, where do I go from here? Do I continue on the political tone I started to take in the last paragraph, or do I swing back to my orriginal intention of this post and explain why I despise myself for drowning myself in responsibility? Or should I find a happy medium in there and talk about my insane workload and how I need to tone it down for health reasons…

(After a two hour break doing homework)

Hmm…you know, I will just get to the point, its 5:30 in the morning, I have 4 tests at school I am studying for on Tuesday, I have a project I am thinking about for work, I have 8 freelance websites in progress right now, not to mention my personal projects and my businesses that I am trying to keep running/develop.

There is absolutely too much on my plate. I should be out having fun, not working, I have been so stressed with it all I have watched myself age a decade in the last two years…

Quick psychological evaluation here, but I believe I pile all this work on myself to hide from social problems I have from my childhood. I think I work to avoid social confrontation whither it be going out with friends, or meeting women. I am not sure what it is that is making myself distance from these relationships, but I would rather work than go out for some reason.

I believe as a rush to be successful and a mature, contribuiting member of society I have taken on to much, and its a part of the maturing I should ballance my workload with the rest of my life, I am asuming that is a pivital part of professional life, but I ned to fuigure it out fast before I kill myself from exaustion.

Well that blog post went horribly wrong, night I have a whole two hours to sleep!

So, its 3AM and I just woke up, I HAD homework due at midnight online, I HAD to do it to keep up my grades, but I was so tired from work I passed out before doing my homework.

I had been up 30 hours or so (work), and I stopped at 7-11 to get an energy drink on the way home so I could stay up and get it done, and the assignment was all I was thinking about doing, honestly. Consciously, I wanted to get it done. I told myself 2 assignments ago I would do all of these to keep my homework grades up.

Subconsciously, did I let myself go to sleep? What scares me is I think so, and that really frightens me. I was 5 feet from my computer, Does it mean I am irresponsible?

The jacked up thing, is that its 3AM, and that particular class doesn’t start till 7PM tonight, that’s 16 hours I have free in my schedule (besides other classes) where I can be doing it , I could be doing it now, but arbitrarily it was due at midnight. I knew it was do tonight, so there is no excuse, I could have made time to do it sometime earlier…but I didn’t, I was focused on other things, like work, I billed 130 hours for the last two weeks.

Overall, I consider myself to be responsible, I am a teenager with a good job, shit today is my birthday, I am 20 now, no longer a teenager. I have my priorities in a line, I thought, I have a job, go to school, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t go out chasing ass, have a good work ethic (apparently when I want to)…but WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG with me!

I walk the line, I do it by the book and as honest as possible, what more is there to do? What am I missing?

How are all the irresponsible partying kids getting through school better than I am? I have two math classes, a biology class, and a film class this semester, its a heavy load and I have yet to really study hard, and I guess that’s why I am doing bad…”Hey Keith, you may want to leave work and focus on your studies while you can…”

Today the economy took a dump, the congress denied the 700bil bailout bill today, the Dow Jones fell 777 points, how lucky is that? Time to quit my low paying hourly job to focus on school, I don’t know if that’s a good idea right now, how bad would that suck if it turns in the the great depression two and I am stuck without a job because I quit?

Last week the office fired 100 people who were dead weight, they will not be lenient and let me take time off for school, they have money that needs to be made…

I guess I should start working on my homework due at the begging of my other classes. This is all jacked up. I am pretty pissed at myself right now.

//rant off

Forward: I never got around to posting this a few weeks ago, infact I forgot about it, but saw it saved as a draft, I figured I would do it tonight while I am blogging, so here it is.

Praise the lord, hallelujah, I got the lord Jesus in me. I have seen the light!

Well, after attending the Gospel Brunch at House of Blues Dallas, that is. Well not really, but I did manage to solve all of the worlds problems at brunch, not a bad days work…

But I will say them biscuits and gravy are good…If you have some time to chill for a decent meal and a Jesused up show , check out the brunch at HOB…Just be ready to PRAISE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST! HOLY CHRIST, PRAISE JESUS, AMEN! I SAID AMEN!

I could tell you all my master plan to safe us all from certain impending doom, but whatever, I am too lazy to actually act on my plan, and most of you are not worth saving, anyway…

This weekend my cousin got married and I had some family fly into town. It was good seeing them again, our family only gets together when someone gets married or dies…Anyway, my aunt, (affectionately called Aunt Gorgeous), flew into town Friday, we went and ate some good italian/sea food at Terrelis ,then watched some Olympics later that night. Saturday I spent all day and night working on a website, and Sunday I plaid the roll of the family chauffeur. How fun that is, “let the minor drive while we all get wasted”. I guess that’s all I have to say about the whole weekend. Night.

Well, its thursday, another slow week at work, going on four weeks with no billable work, no bueno…If our marketing guy would quit trying to get his next film funded instead of trying to find the office some work, we could actually be doing something…oh well, “its always slow this time of year…”

All the downtime has allowed me to some cool R&D with grass & foliage, hair and fur, and particle dynamics in max though, cant complain really…Other than that, nothin happening at work. I will probobly try and do some realflow and fumeFX R&D soon, cant wait, but like for real, like I want to learn those, not being sarcastic…

The ironic thing is that I have a sizeable sum of billable work at home, I feel like I should be doing that instead of sitting up at the office doing nothing, (and blogging, lol)…As a few people have suggested, i should just bing it up and work on it here, but I would not feel good about brining up a laptop and doing it at the office, its just kinda meh. By the time I go home I am kinda burt out though, I get stuff done but there is not enough time to really tackle a complicated thing before bed, and it just throws you off when you try and wake up and continue something you were doing before sleep. I have a lot of stylesheeting and js to do, its just a beating…

Other than that, I haven’t ridden since 4th of july weekend I don’t think, since I posted that video…I am getting fat, need to get out and do something physical…That sums up my pitifil life…I think I may blog about Mozilla later, hit off my web section of the blog…

Keith

“The shop…” Thats what I ended my last blog entry with….I have no idea what I meant by it….I guess that just reiterated that I was busy and tired….A month and a half later (MAN TIME FLYS) and I am still tired and over worked. heh. A lot happened I guess…I started school, college now, wow, its actually awesome, lots of very very hot chicks, heaven, and I still manage to work a lot. My bikes keep getting torn up, the new 125 sucked a head gasket, then I put a new one in and the next week I fried my head, cyl, and piston…Trashed .$400 dollar parts bill. AND THE PARTS ARE STILL IN THE MAIL!!! ARG. I just got my first “part time” check (work 28 hours a week), and I barely covered the parts bill, that sucks…Its friday night right now, all my Friends are getting ready to ride and all 4 bikes in my garage are broke/not in riding order…This sucks…I haven’t made this blog public at all, no one sees it, but its a good release for me…anyway, back to work….